Your role as a parent
Change can be exciting; Change can be stressful.
Attending university is a time of excitement and a time of change. Your son or daughter will grow and mature throughout his or her time at Carleton, acquiring new skills and knowledge, making new friends, exploring new interests and defining who he or she is as an independent adult. You can enjoy and celebrate these changes by listening with interest and acknowledging his/her successes.
At the same time, university life can be demanding and at times overwhelming. Students often face personal pressures in addition to the usual stresses of university life.
- New students may be away from home for the first time and may find they are homesick and miss the close support of their family and friends.
- International students may find it challenging to adjust to a new culture.
- Mature students may find it difficult to balance work and personal responsibilities.
- Some students may be dealing with disabilities or physical or mental health illnesses.
Step #1: Recognizing signs of distress
While students routinely experience stress during their university careers, the majority handle these ups and downs successfully and manage their work loads and personal lives. However, when stresses accumulate, when unexpected crises occur or when coping strategies are insufficient to deal with the strains of life, students may exhibit signs that they are in distress and help is needed.
As a parent or guardian you may notice things changing and wonder if your son or daughter is experiencing significant distress.
Warning signs that may indicate your child could benefit from help:
- Isolation from family, friends or classmates;
- Loss of interest, lack of energy or difficulty concentrating;
- A sudden drop in grades;
- Increased absences from class, sports or extracurricular activities;
- Lack of participation in class discussions, sports or organizations the student is usually involved in; and
- Missed assignments or the inability to complete assignments.
More advanced signs that your son or daughter may be in distress
- Sharing personal problems with you;
- Disruptive or unusual behavior, aggressiveness, emotional outbursts or crying;
- Decrease or increase in appetite or excessive weight gain or loss;
- Lack of personal hygiene;
- Excessive fatigue;
- Increased irritability, hostility or atypical rudeness;
- Illogical or confused thinking or writing; and
- Increased use of alcohol or recreational drugs.
Step #2: Providing support
Talk to your son or daughter and inquire how things are going. You might mention that you have noticed some changes and that you want to help if he or she is having a problem.
If your son or daughter tells you that they are having a difficult time, spend time listening, offer support and show you care. Below is a list of suggestions on what to do.
- Listen to your son or daughter in private when both of you have the time. Be patient and give your son or daughter your undivided attention. Let them talk with minimal interruption. Often just a few minutes of effective listening are enough to help your son or daughter feel cared about and more confident about what to do.
- Acknowledge your child’s concerns and feelings. Let him or her know you understand what they are trying to communicate by reflecting back the essence of what they’ve said. (“It sounds like you’re not used to such a big campus and you’re feeling left out of things.”)
- Express concern without judging, making generalizations or assumptions. Be specific about the behaviour which gives you cause for concern. For example, “I’ve noticed your grades have suddenly dropped and I’m concerned,” rather than “What have you been doing lately”? or “You should be more concerned about your grades.”
- Offer hope by reassuring your son or daughter that things can get better. Help them realize they have options and resources, and that things will not always seem hopeless.
- Facilitate active coping by encouraging your son or daughter to seek help through one of the university student support services if you feel that additional resources would benefit your child.
If your concerns increase, you can contact one of the student support services for general advice or Health and Counselling Services at 613-520-6674.
What services are available
A description of Carleton University’s student support services is available at carleton.ca/studentsupport. Download the Carleton Complete Referral Guide for Students to help direct your son or daughter to the appropriate resources . Encourage him or her to contact the service directly to arrange an appointment.
While it is always preferable for your son or daughter to take the initiative to seek help, some students find it very difficult to take this first step. If your child is willing, you can help by calling the service and arranging an appointment for him or her. It is a good idea to let the service know that your child is aware that you are calling and is willing to be seen.
Step #3 Keeping in touch
Let your son and daughter know that you welcome hearing from him or her and that you are interested in knowing how things are going. Many people need time before they take active steps to solve their problems, so be patient. If your concerns increase, you can contact one of the student support services for general advice or Health and Counselling Services at 613-520-6674.
However, it is important to be aware that students have the right to refuse help unless it is an urgent situation where there is reason to believe that there is significant risk of physical harm to the student or others. In these cases, the Department of University Safety becomes involved and immediate action is taken to assess and respond to the situation.